Eternity
by danceswithhorses
Summary: Bella always thought she would be the first one to go. She was human, after all. Weak. Clumsy. A danger magnet no matter where she went. And she hung out with vampires and werewolves. She never even thought it might ever go the other way. AU.
1. Chapter 1

******Disclaimer: Gasp! Oh no! I just received the worst news of my entire life! I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT!**

*******runs away sobbing madly***

******(I don't own Diamond Rio or their song, either, although sometimes they practice in my basement at 3 a.m.)**

******This is a little darker than I normally write. I'm not really sure where it came from. Oh well, blame the plot bunny.**

******And those of you who read my story Between Heartbeats, I was thinking about writing a sequel...let me know if you want one! I aim to please!**

******Anyway, on to the story.**

* * *

_Last night I had a crazy dream_

_A wish was granted just for me,_

_It could be for anything_

_I didn't ask for money_

_Or a mansion in malibu_

_I simply wished, for one more day with you_

_One more day_

_One more time_

_One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied_

_But then again_

_I know what it would do_

_Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you_

_First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl_

_Then I'd unplug the telephone_

_And keep the tv off_

_I'd hold you every second_

_Say a million I love you's_

_That's what I'd do. With one more day with you_

_Leave me wishing still for one more day_

_Leave me wishing still for one more day_

_With you._

The girl is thin.

Too thin, her clothes hanging off her frail frame. The wind picks up speed, and she sways as if it could blow her away.

And you get the feeling that she wouldn't care if it did.

She stands dangerously close to the edge, clutching a piece of paper like a lifeline. Her resolve is evident in the way she stands, the way her dark brown eyes are finally at peace.

The water below her is choppy and rough, slapping the side of the cliff audibly. A few jagged rocks rise out of the depths, wet and dark with salt.

Her thick dark hair whispers around her pale face as she bends and slides the white piece of paper underneath a rock, replacing it almost tenderly. Her hand caresses it like a kiss, as she straightens back up to face the anger of the sea below.

She walks to the very edge of the cliff without fear, a tiny smile playing on her lips. Her head is tilted, listening to a voice only she can hear.

_I'm coming, Edward, _she whispers, the wind snatching the words from her mouth.

There's no hesitation in her face, only joy. Release. Anticipation. She spreads her arms wide.

Then she jumps.


	2. Chapter 2

_One month earlier:_

"I'll be back by tomorrow morning, love. Look after my heart, I've left it with you."

Edward said the same thing he always did, when we had to be apart. I smiled and kissed him. "I'll be waiting."

Carlisle hugged me from behind as we watched his Volvo disappear down the Cullen's long driveway. "He'll be back before you know it. Come on, Esme made you some dinner."

I smiled at my future father-in-law. "Thanks, Carlisle, I just hate it when he's away."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we headed inside. "He doesn't like being away from you either, Bella."

Esme's dinner was delicious – she'd done too much, as usual, but it was great. After I ate, Jasper approached me. "Hey, Bella, do you want to go see a movie? It's a Civil War thing I really want to see. Alice has already seen it and she says you'll like it."

"Sure," I said, surprised. Usually he kept his distance from me, but I knew it was more of a confidence issue with his control than it was to do with me. So any attempt he made at bonding was definitely progress.

"Great, then, Esme and Rose are coming."

I gulped.

Alice leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry, she'll be nice."

Rosalie glared at both of us and Esme nudged her.

"Come on, I have the perfect outfit," Alice squealed, dragging me up to her room.

At the movie theater, we settled in and waited for the movie to begin. I was nursing a coke and a small popcorn. Thank goodness Emmett hadn't come. It was dangerous to take him to a movie theater – if he didn't like the movie, he would start throwing popcorn at the screen. Really hard. It was always embarrassing to be escorted out of the theater and politely asked to never, ever darken their doors again.

Alice had been right – the movie _was _good. Even Rose was into it, leaning forward with her lips parted slightly. Jasper, who loved anything to do with Civil War history, was completely captivated. I was in tears by the time the credits rolled.

We strolled leisurely out of the theater, in no real hurry. "Are you hungry, Bella?" Esme asked, indicating an Italian restaurant down the street.

"Yes, actually, but you don't have to sit there and wait for me. I can get something when we get home."

"Nonsense, we don't mind."

Rosalie looked as if she might argue the point, but refrained as we started in that direction.

Jasper's phone rang. He fell behind us a little ways, motioning for us to go on inside while he answered it.

I watched him through the window as we got seated. Something was wrong, I realized. As he spoke intently into the phone, his carefree smile fell off his face. An expression I'd never seen on his face before replaced it.

Fear. Pure, unrelenting terror.

I looked at Rose, who looked at Esme. Without waiting a moment longer we got up and hurried past the bemused waitress.

Jasper was hanging up the phone as we clustered around him. "We have to go home," he said before I could ask. "Alice has had a vision. She couldn't tell me anything, she was incoherent. Whatever it is has already happened. Carlisle said…" he swallowed convulsively.

It didn't take me long to fill in the blanks.

"Something's happened to Edward," I choked. "What, Jasper? How bad is it?"  
He could only shrug. "I don't know. I swear, Bella, I don't know."

I had never quite gotten used to the Cullens' version of safe driving, but tonight Jasper couldn't drive nearly fast enough. The drive was made in rigid, terrified silence, but my mind was racing with all the horrible possibilities.

Nothing could happen to Edward – he was indestructible, right? I was the one in constant danger. I was the one most likely to meet a destructive end. Not him. Not my glorious, immortal, compassionate, loving Edward.

We pulled up to the house after an eternity. Jasper didn't even switch it off, just leapt out and raced for the house. Even I could hear Alice's uncontrolled, tearless wails as the others flashed past me at vampire speed.

My blood ran ice cold as I dashed up the porch steps. Because Alice's grief wasn't the only thing I could hear.

Carlisle was crying, too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Bella's POV:**

I hesitated with my hand on the knob. I didn't want to go in there. I couldn't. Whatever had happened was so terrible, so unfathomable, I knew our world would never be the same.

I had never seen him cry before. Not my father, he was the strong one.

But now the sound of his broken sobs froze me with dread.

With every shred of courage I could summon up, I pushed open the door. Automatically I pressed one hand against my chest, trying to hold myself together. I hardly dared breathe at all as six pairs of agonized, grieving eyes landed on my face.

"E-Edward?" I choked out.

Alice broke away from the group and wrapped me in her stone arms, still crying. "He's gone, Bella, I'm so sorry."

For one insane, horrible moment I thought she meant he'd left me again, like he had after my disaster of a birthday party. But that was preposterous, he wouldn't do that… "What do you mean, gone? He just went to Denali for a day, he'll be back in the morning!"

Alice shook her head as Esme scooped me into her lap, burying her face in my hair. "He's dead," Alice whispered. "His car, a tree fell and landed on the gas tank…it exploded instantly."

Fire. The one thing that could permanently destroy a vampire. The only element that gave no second chances.

I covered my mouth with my hands and began to scream.

* * *

"Edward Anthony Cullen was a fine young man, with such a promising life ahead of him. He will be greatly missed and mourned for, but he is in a better place. The ones he left behind to carry on will always remember him with fondness and joy."

I wanted to scream at the man. He didn't understand anything. He never would. Edward was supposed to have had eternity. I was supposed to be the one in that grave. Not him.

"Come on, Bella."

I blinked, and I was alone. The funeral was over. There was nothing left to do except leave.

Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulders and tugged me gently away from the gaping hole. "No," I murmured. "_No_!"

Ripping away from him, I ran back to the edge, falling to my knees. "You can't leave me," I babbled, knowing it was only his ashes down there but unable to help myself. "You can't go. You promised you would never leave again. _You lied to me Edward!"_

Esme knelt beside me, sobbing as she said goodbye to her firstborn. Carlisle was on my other side, supporting me. "I'm so sorry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

In the end he had to carry me to his car. All I could think of, during that long ride home, was how different this goodbye was. This time I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't ever coming back.

That was the last time I cried.


	4. Author's Note - PLEASE READ

Okay folks, here's the deal. Several of my regular readers have PM_ed _me to say that the story is too tragic for them to continue reading it. I, for one, am still not entirely certain where this dark plot came from.

So if no one's going to read it, I can stop writing it…Because I have two other stories waiting to get uploaded.

I was going to write an alternative ending, but I'm not sure I can make it make sense.

If it helps, this story is tragic, yes, but it _won't end _on a dark note. I can't tell you any more without giving the ending away. I will tell you this – if I continue it, there's only about two more chapters in it.

Your wish is my command.

Sneak peek for the other two stories:

**The Cost of Keeping The Secret:**

When a simple robbery goes bad, Bella and Carlisle are caught up in a dangerous hostage situation. As the minutes tick by, the gunman's temper grows volatile.

A bullet won't physically harm Carlisle – but it would mean exposure for the Cullens. Bella won't let that happen, no matter what it takes to prevent it.

Even if it means losing Edward all over again.

**Getting To Know You:**

Sequel to Between Heartbeats. Since Bella's been back, everyone's been noticing subtle changes in her personality…she's different, the question is, how much? The Cullens and Bella must adapt to her new independence. New family ties are formed and broken in the process. This story has a little bit of everything – fluff, humor, drama, and most of all family bonding time with our favorite vampires.

And, of course, **Broken** is still in the works.


	5. Chapter 5

**The story goes on! But you've been warned, people. Bring on the Kleenex.**

* * *

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella, you have to eat. Please, do it for me," Esme begged.

I picked up my fork, pushing the food around on the plate. She'd gone all out to make it look delicious, to tempt my non-existent appetite.

Twenty-six days, seven hours, and nine minutes had passed since I lost my reason to live. I had no interest in anything. I was just…numb. Jacob had been by a few times, but I think even he realized it was useless. He couldn't fix me this time. Charlie didn't know what to do with my grief – he left me mostly with the Cullens. So I guessed it could be said I was alone, except for them.

"Bella," Esme's pleading voice brought me back to the present. I looked up into her golden eyes, and felt a twinge of shame. She was grieving too – what right did I have to make her worry about me?

Slowly, I took a bite, not tasting the food as it slid roughly down my throat. I waited a second to be sure it wasn't going to come right back up, then took another. And another.

Esme's sigh of relief only compounded my guilt.

* * *

"Movie, Bella?" Carlisle asked, pointing me towards the shelves where the Cullens' extensive DVD collection was housed. He was trying to steer us back to normalcy, and that included Friday Movie Night, a tradition that had apparently gotten started when Alice joined the family.

"Is it my turn to pick?" I asked listlessly, wandering over to the case. Everyone took their normal places – Emmett in the recliner, Rosalie seated on his lap. Jasper and Alice sat side by side, hands clasped, on the floor in front of the couch. I sat on the couch, sandwiched between Esme and Carlisle.

He used to sit at one end while I stretched out, my head in his lap. I would inevitably fall asleep halfway through the movie, and then they would mute the TV while I entertained them with my sleep-talking instead.

One more thing that would never be the same again.

I picked something out of Emmett and Jasper's side – something sure to contain lots of action. Nothing with romance.

"All right, Night of the Zombie Killer!" Emmett crowed, but his voice was not as rambunctious as usual. I forced a smile in his direction as I popped the tape in. "Just for you, Emmett," I said, taking my spot on the couch. Esme pulled my feet up in her lap while I rested my head on Carlisle's shoulder.

Though I didn't tell anyone, this was usually the only sleep I managed to get – napping with one of them. I dreaded closing my eyes. The nightmares had never been so bad – not even after Italy. So most nights I played my favorite tape…my lullaby. I kept the volume low so as not to wake Charlie. Kind of pointless, since I usually spent my nights screaming my lungs out.

I kept waiting for him to hint that it would be a good idea for me to move in with the Cullens, but he never did. He was sticking it out, holding out hope that the old Bella would come back.

One more person I would end up disappointing, when –

I cut the thought off. Alice must not know.

Carlisle's cold hands brushed lightly over my hair, and I closed my eyes, trusting that his presence would keep the nightmares at bay.

As Emmett's zombies took over the movie screen, sleep took over my grief-exhausted body.

I dreamed about our meadow.

* * *

"Bella."

I was sitting on the Cullen's front porch, watching Emmett and Jasper wrestle half-heartedly on the lawn. That's how everything got done these days – half-heartedly. No enthusiasm. Just trying to do it and get through it.

Rosalie's voice caught me off guard, but I patted the seat beside me. "What?"

I was mildly surprised when she took it. We sat there in silence for a few moments, before she spoke.

"Carlisle says you've changed your mind about becoming…one of us."

I shrugged. "My reasons for wanting this life weren't completely selfish, Rose. Eternity without him is no eternity at all."

"I can see that now."

It was the closest thing to an apology I'd ever heard from her.

"Losing Edward has made me see a lot of things," she went on. I flinched at the mention of his name, but if she noticed she didn't show it. "One, I was wrong to treat you the way I did. I've put myself in your place a thousand times, but I never weighed your reasons. And if it was me and Emmett, well, who's to say I'd have chosen any differently?"

She held my gaze even though her words were killing both of us. "And second, we're not as invincible as we'd like to believe. Coming to grips with…Edward's…death," she stumbled over her brother's name, "has made me face my own mortality. I want to change, Bella."

The whole family was gathered in close range pretending they weren't listening, but Rosalie didn't seem to mind.

"You can," I said at last, because it seemed wrong not to. "It won't be easy, but you can do it. Emmett will help you."

When I said his name the big guy jumped over the railing to stand next to his wife. "You bet, Rose," he said, his face serious for once. "I'm proud of you, baby."

"While we're all here," I said, "I would like to speak to everyone."

Instantly everyone quieted, all gazes turning towards me.

I cleared my throat; this was turning out to be harder than I thought it would. "I need some time."

No one said anything, just watched me with varying degrees of anxiety. I knew Jasper was trying to get a feel on my emotions, and Alice would be scanning the future, so I made up my mind to move on without him. I would use this time and then everything would be like it was before.

"We all need some time," I went on. "It's not fair to any of you, forced to babysit and worry over me when you need to make time for your own grief."

They all started to protest, but I held up a hand and went on. "I know you don't mind. But the fact remains that we need some time apart to deal with this in our own way."  
Carlisle looked at Jasper.

"Hope," he replied to his unspoken question. "Sorrow, yes, but hope."

"Alice?"

Her eyes clouded over. I concentrated on making it past this.

When she came out of it, her grief-darkened eyes settled on me. "It will be fine," she said quietly, and for the first time hope began to stir on her face. "This will be good for all of us. We'll go to Denali."

When Carlisle was satisfied I wasn't going to commit suicide while they were gone, he came over to sit beside me, in the seat Rose had vacated. "Bella, if this is truly what you need, we'll spend two weeks in Denali. Not a day less, not a day more. But I promise you this – we _will _come back. You are part of us now. No matter what we have to do, we're going to get through this."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I choked, accepting his loving embrace, forcing my thoughts to stay only on my next step of my plan.

* * *

After the Cullens left for Denali, a strange peace settled on me.

Slowly, methodically, I cleaned my room at Charlie's. I threw out the junk, organized my clothes, wrote a letter to Mom, and gathered all my mementos of Edward and placed them in a box. Pictures I couldn't look at, CDs I couldn't listen to. Like my dreams I packed them away, sealing the box as if it would keep my grief at bay.

Once, the third night the Cullens were away, I wondered what Alice had seen. I let myself wonder what my life could be like, if I followed through and worked this out, forced myself to live without him. Would I be happy? Would I choose the Cullens' life?

Thinking about it made me feel tired and old. I couldn't do it. It was unfathomable I could ever crawl out of this black, empty hole.

I washed my truck. Every inch of rusty metal received an equal amount of attention. It had been a good truck, but like everything else memories of him surrounded it.

When it was clean I stepped back and surveyed my handiwork, satisfied.

"Looking good, Bells." Charlie had come up behind me.

"Thanks, Dad," I said, turning to give him a hug. He looked surprised, then his arms settled around me.

_I'm sorry, Dad._


	6. Chapter 6

**Bella's POV:**

When the Cullens had been gone for exactly one week, I climbed into my old truck for the last time, deciding only to drive to La Push. I left a note for Charlie – _Gone for a drive. Love you, Dad._

Would he know something was up? Would he hear the underlying tone, put the pieces together?

No. Charlie was a good guy, but clueless. He wouldn't know until they found my body.

Turning the truck off, I sat for a moment, silently saying goodbye.

I hadn't been back here in almost a year. The cliff still looked the same, rising against the horizon as the waves slapped at it. Mist shrouded it, and I nodded silently to myself.

I pulled out a blank piece of paper and a pen.

_Dear Cullens,_

_I know you can see this, Alice, and…I'm sorry. Don't try to stop me, there's not enough time anyway. I never wanted to hurt any of you like this, but I can't see any other way. I can't live without him, and the truth is, I don't want to._

_Jasper, I love you, and I never blamed you for what happened at my birthday party. I never did. You're my brother, and I always thought of you like that._

_Alice, you were the best friend a girl could ever have. I'll truly miss you. Take care of Jasper – life's not worth living without him by your side._

_Emmett, you'll never know how much you meant to me. Even though you could be incredibly annoying sometimes, you would have done anything for me. I know that. I love you, big brother. _

_Rosalie, this is probably one of my biggest regrets. If things had been different, I would have loved to explore our new relationship. You took that first big step, and I'm proud of you, sister. Keep Emmett close, and never hesitate to tell him you love him._

_Carlisle, Esme, I don't know what to say to you. You were my parents more than Renee and Charlie ever were. For that, I thank you both. I love you more than anyone else alive. Take care, and don't forget me._

_You'll blame yourselves – don't. I was careful. There's no way you could have seen it coming. Again, I'm sorry for deceiving you._

_I love all of you. Take care of Charlie for me. _

_Bella_

I folded the paper and got out of the truck, giving it one last pat as I left it behind.

Turning my face towards the cliff, I began to climb.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bella's POV:**

As I climbed I thought of Edward.

I remembered the last time I'd made this trek, and the events that had followed. How I'd accused Edward of being sick and irresponsible for running off to the Volturi to die. And now I was about to do the same thing.

I remembered what Rosalie had said: _I put myself in your place a thousand times, but I never weighed your reasons. If it had been me, who knows but that I might have made the same choice._

I never understand what it was like to live without your reason for breathing.

I did now.

The wind dragged at me, but I set my face against it and climbed on.

**Alice's POV:**

I saw it happen only one hour before it actually did.

_No, I lost my brother, I can't lose her too, _was the first thought in my head after the vision passed.

"She's going to jump," I said brokenly, my family gathered closely around me. "We'll never make it in time."

"We're going to," Carlisle said stubbornly, already ushering us out the door. "We _will _make it."

With only a hurried explanation to our Denali friends we were on our way back to Forks, in a desperate race against time that felt all too familiar. _Don't do it, _I chanted, over and over again. _We love you Bella, don't make us let you go. Please._

We squealed into La Push, completely disregarding any border line there was. Sam was reasonable. Even if he wasn't it didn't matter now.

Her truck was parked there, keys still in the ignition. Esme's horrified gasp drew our gazes to the top of the cliff.

We were too late. She never hesitated as she flung herself into the water.

"No!" the growl ripped from Emmett first, and he plunged into the ocean, frantically searching. Jasper joined him, but the rest of us knew. She'd already given up. She wouldn't fight the water.

It was too late. Our Bella, my sister, my best friend, was dead.

**Bella's POV:**

It was strangely peaceful underneath the surface, despite the crashing waves above me.

It was cold, but that was okay, because it reminded me of him. The darkness floated me off to sleep as I drifted, content.

It was then that I saw him.

His crooked smile was just the way I remembered it, except my memory hadn't done it justice. His hair was typically messy, his shirt untucked as he extended his hand.

I took it, and together we rose above the water.

I saw myself lying on the beach, lifeless, as Carlisle and Esme worked frantically over my body. I wanted to go to them, let them know I was okay, but I was suspended in time and space, no longer a part of earth, but somewhere in between.

Carlisle shook his head slowly, settling back on his heels as they finally gave up on me. As my family sough comfort from one another, I looked up at my own comforter. They would be fine – they had each other, after all.

I looked up at Edward as the scene changed. My body took on a solid form again, and to my surprise he was warm to my touch, not cold. His smile was the same but his eyes were emerald green.

Our surroundings were different as well. I was surprised, and yet not surprised, to find we were in our meadow. The sun sparkled and glistened, the weather perfect. A river wound across the distance, inviting and calm and it flowed lazily on. I turned my gaze back to Edward.

"I've been waiting for you, Bella Swan."

"I'm here now," I responded, wrapping my arms around his waist.

He smiled, and we walked into our paradise.

We would never be forced to endure the pain of separation again, but be together for all of our perfect eternity.


	8. Epilogue

**Alice's POV: **

I'm already lonely, standing here between two graves. Side by side, Bella and Edward will rest here forever.

It's been a week since the funeral, and I visit this place every day. We've been trying to honor Bella's last request, taking care of her dad, but it won't be long before we'll have to move on.

We'll never forget Forks. It's rare a place feels like home, since we have to move so often, but the time we spent in this little town was the happiest we'd ever been. I don't know if we'll ever come back here though. It will be hard, even though many years will have passed. That's the downside to vampire memory – you never forget. Good or bad, the memories stay forever.

Esme won't sell the house. That brings me some measure of comfort, just knowing it will be here waiting. Because I will come back, if only to stand between these graves and remember.

I rest a hand on each stone and picture them both in my mind. Happy. Alive. Together.

A vision steals into my mind, nearly knocking me off my feet with its intensity.

_Bella's lying on her back next to Edward, in their special place – the meadow. The sunlight covers them like a blanket, illuminating their happiness. Edward's skin glows tan, his green eyes sparkling in the rays. Bella looks healthy and happy again, her hand curled in his. She turns her head and meets my gaze. "You can let go now, Alice, I'm just fine." _

_Her smile assures me, as she sends her love towards me in tangible waves._

I staggered a little, holding onto the stone for support. When I recover, I smile up at the sky. _Message received, little sister. I'm going to be okay, too._

I leave the cemetery and climb into my yellow Porsche. As I put the key in the ignition, I realize something.

It may take a decade, it may take a century, but one day my world will be whole again. And one day, I'll come back here to stand between two graves.

And I'll smile as I remember.


End file.
